The HV Chronicles

“well, not exactly. they sat down & all i said was: “i don’t know who you are - fuck you.”

— HV’s reply when asked if he had just tried to fight our friends when we left him unattended (yes… in the strip club) for a whole five minutes.

the convincing process. it doesn’t take much.
(although, do take note of the 30 min lapse between my proposal & his conclusion -
in which, upon arrival at Sassy’s*, he confessed he was “getting extremely faded at home because I decided that I couldn’t go out… until I got so faded that I realized that I had to go out.”)

& so began the night which would end with crashing a mansion party till 5 in the morning.

*& yes - Sassy’s is, of course, a strip club. of which he is indeed the mayor.

13th Apr 2012

- HV on why he would have to go “light” on tipping strippers the other night (which he, of course, later did not go light on at all - as he said he needed to “regain his mayorship” of the strip clubs*). what do YOUR friends spend THEIR money on?? ….sissies.

*please note, HV is not on Foursquare. he is the ACTUAL mayor of strip clubs.

13th Apr 2012

“Sitting outside of Montage, smoking weed with the DJ from Sassy’s, while strippers [who are] high on molly piss in the middle of the street is a pretty strange spot.”

— HV’s official review of the Montage parking lot. Yelp wasn’t ready for this.

13th Apr 2012

“hey man, how’d it go [last night]? I was almost there, ended up getting sidetracked with a chick and found myself in a hotel in Hood River.”

— HV on why he couldn’t make it to the party last night. (keep in mind Hood River is over an hour away from his last known whereabouts from which he texted “I’ll be there in 5 minutes” from.)

13th Apr 2012

“most of these girls are a little repulse in the face, no?”

— HV on the clientele at 90’s dance parties.

4th May 2011

“
He’s either like Rain Man or he’s a sociopath. I mean, he doesn’t even know how to work his computer except for dating sites.

One time he was really drunk & he started a verbal argument with a dog & then started asking about people who were never there.
”

— HV on his gym partner

10th Mar 2011

“Who’s saying 3K a week is enough to live off of? It might occur to us in the future that what we’re doin’ now ain’t really living.”

— HV on financial income x requirements to proper living.

2nd Mar 2011

“maybe they’re onto something with the whole treating bitches like bitches thing.”

—HV, upon hearing a stripper tell us stories of rappers that claim to ball out, but never tip.

2nd Mar 2011

FB Chat. Wednesday 03/02/11 1:45 AM

wutup HV

oh man. dying over here

hahaha
The Potion strikes again?

i wish. had to go to seattle last night for work

ah, shit. what was that like?

got super fucked up with my boss and a coworker
took 3 xanax after i was already wasted
and then continued shots of whiskey until i was straight blacked out
got kicked out of a bar after making it rain on the bartender, 100 ones i had left over from their shitty ass strip club right into her face (from what i’ve been told)

hahahaha
thats a win.
so strip clubs in Seattle = thumbs down?

actually i’m coming around on them, they’re basically the opposite of what we have in portland, as pretty much everything about them sucks, aside from the private dances, where basically money talks and anything goes from what i could tell

hahahaahha
woooowwwwww
who pays to do that???

i didn’t even get around to the paying part

seems as though you learned some priceless lessons though

well, we got kicked out of the bar before that for the making it rain incident, and then i very vaguely remember trying to start some shit with the bouncer from that bar and like 4 other dudes outside.
apparently i was yelling inflammatory shit at the top of my lungs about how being a bouncer when you’re 40 means you’re going to be a poor piece of shit for your whole life
i don’t remember a thing after that, but apparently we rolled to the strip club, i straight up pushed the bouncer on the way in, he blasted me, and i went out side and alternated between puking and sleeping in the parking lot
until the seattle pd showed up, and somehow my boss talked them out of taking me to the drunk tank for the night. it seems like life is tough in seattle

well now that i have a reason not to, then no.

hahaha. word! i gotta dip, i might actually show up at work tomorrow before noon.

boom. consent. and so it begins…..

The HV Chronicles

1st May 2012

“well, not exactly. they sat down & all i said was: “i don’t know who you are - fuck you.”

14th Apr 2012

13th Apr 2012

13th Apr 2012

“Sitting outside of Montage, smoking weed with the DJ from Sassy’s, while strippers [who are] high on molly piss in the middle of the street is a pretty strange spot.”

13th Apr 2012

“hey man, how’d it go [last night]? I was almost there, ended up getting sidetracked with a chick and found myself in a hotel in Hood River.”

13th Apr 2012

“most of these girls are a little repulse in the face, no?”

4th May 2011

“
He’s either like Rain Man or he’s a sociopath. I mean, he doesn’t even know how to work his computer except for dating sites.

One time he was really drunk & he started a verbal argument with a dog & then started asking about people who were never there.
”

10th Mar 2011

“Who’s saying 3K a week is enough to live off of? It might occur to us in the future that what we’re doin’ now ain’t really living.”

2nd Mar 2011

“maybe they’re onto something with the whole treating bitches like bitches thing.”

2nd Mar 2011

FB Chat. Wednesday 03/02/11 1:45 AM

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“well, not exactly. they sat down & all i said was: “i don’t know who you are - fuck you.”

“Sitting outside of Montage, smoking weed with the DJ from Sassy’s, while strippers [who are] high on molly piss in the middle of the street is a pretty strange spot.”

“hey man, how’d it go [last night]? I was almost there, ended up getting sidetracked with a chick and found myself in a hotel in Hood River.”

“most of these girls are a little repulse in the face, no?”

“He’s either like Rain Man or he’s a sociopath. I mean, he doesn’t even know how to work his computer except for dating sites. One time he was really drunk & he started a verbal argument with a dog & then started asking about people who were never there.”

“Who’s saying 3K a week is enough to live off of? It might occur to us in the future that what we’re doin’ now ain’t really living.”

“maybe they’re onto something with the whole treating bitches like bitches thing.”

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“
He’s either like Rain Man or he’s a sociopath. I mean, he doesn’t even know how to work his computer except for dating sites.

One time he was really drunk & he started a verbal argument with a dog & then started asking about people who were never there.
”